Today my life changed forever. I’m sure this can be said of other days, as well, though I may not have recognized it at the time.As I continued seeing patients, I waited for the call. All…
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I led the davening [prayer service] at synagogue this morning. I tried to focus on the words as I sang, investing them with the painful newfound meaning they now possess. Afterwards, I let M.B. [a…
Tuesdays are my day at home. It’s a special treat to be able to spend time with my baby. I hate thinking that my Tuesdays with Rachaeli are now numbered.I love that she still smiles and…
I woke up Yoni before I left for synagogue to ask if he had any further nightmares about being kidnapped (vivid dreams run in the family). He immediately conveyed that he actually had a “great dream”…
I returned home from synagogue to find Shui [my 6 year old] sitting quietly alone at the table in our kitchen. “I wish ‘chaeli didn’t have to die,” he said. “She has such a beautiful…
Ari [my 3 year old] sat next to Rachaeli on the bed, kissing her before Shabbos [the Sabbath]. “You’re the best big brother in the world,” I told Ari. He responded, “If ‘Chaeli gets big, she can wear…
The baby has been sick all week, with some wheezing, followed by increased irritability, more neurologic symptoms, and what seems like an increase in seizure activity. More Benadryl added to her…
Nicole calls me at work. It’s 9 PM. She leaves a message saying that she spoke with a Stem Cell Transplant surgeon at Duke. “Dr. K,” she calls her. Like they’re best buddies now. I shudder at the…
Tomorrow morning, we are driving up to Duke with Rachaeli; we will meet with Dr. Kurtzberg to discuss the viability of a stem cell transplant. As troubled as I am by the prospect of putting my baby…
We left home at 5 AM and arrived at Duke by 11, 90 minutes before our appointment. I drove the whole way. I don’t want to sit in back next to Rachaeli. Somehow, I feel terribly sad making this trip.…
